


To Wake is to Die

by The_Grodyverse



Series: Dreaming [2]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Allusions to Suicide, Angst, Crying, Dreams, F/M, Fluff, I'm Sorry, M/M, Memory Loss, Panic, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), The Losers Club, but not really, ruining my own life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22275223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Grodyverse/pseuds/The_Grodyverse
Summary: Richie Tozier basically had the perfect life. A dream that he never wanted to wake up from.But no one can sleep forever.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: Dreaming [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603402
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13





	To Wake is to Die

Richie Tozier basically had the perfect life. Okay, maybe some people might disagree but they were idiots. So a bunch of dude bros had redacted their idolization of him recently, they couldn't have known how hollow the life of the Richie “Trashmouth” Tozier they though they knew and loved had really been.  
Without actually opening his eyes he pats the side of the bed next to him clumsily. It's empty but the sheets are still warm and he smiles into what he is pretty sure is his own drool spot. The need to find the source of the warmth finally forces his body out of bed, grabbing his glasses and all but stumbling into the living room and open kitchen area. Ah, there he was. In a pair of (probably moisture-wicking and antibacterial) boxers and an over sized shirt that had been given out for free at one of his fun runs (an oxymoron, there was nothing fun about running). He was making one of his super healthy smoothies that almost tasted good until he added yeast or seaweed or some shit and....was he humming a little? Holy shit that was cute. Richie quietly watched with appreciation for a few more moments before stepping forward and grabbing two big handfuls of ass.  
“Jesus Christ!” Eddie screeched, dropping some kind of leafy green on the ground.  
“I would say sorry to disappoint but I'm pretty sure you'd rather see me than Jesus any day.” Eddie turned around, scowling.  
“You're lucky we have guest room or your ego and I wouldn't both be able to live here.”  
“Love it when you roast me babe.” Eddie's mouth did that super cute thing where his lips got even thinner, pressing together with displeasure. He brandished a knife between them.  
“ I could have cut off my fucking fingers off then gotten gangrene and _died_. Then only two people would have watched your Netflix premier instead of three.”  
“Ouch, Eds gets another good one.” Richie says backing him closer to the counter in the cage he had made with his arms.  
“No. Nope. I am not doing this fucking insult based foreplay first thing in the morning.” Eddie says slipping his way out like the tiny ninja he is. Richie watched appreciatively as he starts digging through the fridge.  
“Are you sure the interview will be all wrapped up by 7?”  
“You do know it's not the 90's anymore and we can watch things whenever we want,” A glare “But yeah for sure.” He tilts his head as Eddie bends all the way down to the vegetable crisper.  
“Good. I'll tell everyone to get here by then.”  
“Everyone?” Richie raised an eyebrow. “Does Bill count as “everyone”?”  
“No,” he replies sarcastically “Everyone is Bill, Bev and Ben.”  
“Bev and-” Rich was actually slightly speechless “They flew out just for my....stupid Netflix special??”  
“Well they have money to burn” Eddie says frowning at some kind of scary green juice “And it's not stupid!” He turns looking at Richie seriously “It's your first special for Netflix, and the first time you've had a set you wrote all by yourself since you were probably 25. Everyone needs to watch it and find out if you completely shit the bed or not.”  
“You were at the _filming-_ ”  
“Unimportant.” Eddie interrupts, finally choosing some bright orange juice to put in the smoothie. God damn it Richie was going to marry the shit out of him one day.

* * *

Richie was practically vibrating with excitement on the way back from the interview, like some damn kid going to a sleepover. Walking in there was a chorus of his name being yelled with various levels of volume and enthusiasm.  
“You bastards start pre-gaming without me?” He laughed as Bev threw her arms around him.  
“We have to be a little drunk to deal with you Trashmouth!” More hugs were given around before they settled around his (definitely not too big) television.  
“How did the interview go?” Ben asked kindly.  
“Great, like they all do-”  
“Were there a lot of...” Bill cut in “Uh...”  
“Gay questions?” Richie laughed.  
“Did you officially come out?” Bev asked, perking up.  
“I mean the special is called “Gay Clown”-”  
 _“You said that was just a joke title-!!”_  
“So I think some people might have figured it out.”  
“Your social media is also super gay.” Bev said matter-of-factly.  
“It is.” Ben says, staring ahead of him blankly. “Hey Eddie?”  
“Hm?” the man replied, still staring at the computer where he was trying to Skype Mike in.  
“Your running shorts are too small.” Eddie's head whipped around as he started sputtering indignant curses, everyone else roaring with laughter.  
“Don't listen babe,” Richie says once he can speak again. “Your shorts are perfect.”  
“Fuck you.”

* * *

When they finally reach Mike at whatever paradise he was currently in they que up the special.  
“This better be good Rich, I could be on the beach right now.”  
“No promises.”  
It is in fact very enjoyable for all of them. Bill, Bev and Ben all crying with laughter at one point. He thought even Mike's eyes looked at little damp. Richie gets to enjoy the warm satisfied feeling of making people laugh again, from his own jokes. Even better when it was people you knew and cared about. But what really made his heart flutter so hard he though he might need medication was Eddie. He would glance at the others when a punchline was coming up, smiling with what looked like pride when everyone would double over laughing. Richie was so fucking in love it hurt.

* * *

After everyone had tipsily left in their ubers Eddie had come up and held him from behind uncharacteristically tenderly.  
“I really am proud of you Rich.” He spoke into his back.  
“Whoa,” Richie said, feeling a heat spreading out from his chest. “I don't know how to handle this sweet Eddie.” He turned, reaching up to gently grasp the shorter man's waist.  
“Shut the fuck up.”  
Richie did, but only because his mouth was very busy pressing to Eddie's. After a moment and a hum the angle changed and Eddie's ( unfairly ripped) arms came up around his neck and he could help but think he'd let him put him in a choke hold any day.  
'Get it together Tozier.' He chastised himself as he pressed their bodies tighter together.  
“So is all your material going to be about being gay now?” Eddie pulled back and smirked.  
“I had a public mental breakdown, went back to my hometown and came back gay with a hot ass twunk boyfriend.” Eddie mouthed 'twunk?' “That's a fucking great story, everyone should hear it at least twice.”  
“Too bad you can't tell them the best parts of the story.” His boyfriend said sarcastically.  
“I went from Richie Tozier bro womanizer to Richie Tozier gay stud homewrecker in less than a week, that's way fucking better than the fucking clown.”  
“Again with the ego.”  
“Hey you're the one who got seduced away from your wife-”  
“Beep beep.” Eddie interrupted, grabbing his face and bringing their lips back together. Richie nearly groaned out loud, casually sliding one of his legs between Eddie's.  
“Rich,” he breathed “I'm not sure-”  
“Hey, we're both not 21 anymore, I don't think I can get a successful boner this buzzed either.” Richie smirked, that swimming feeling behind his eyes becoming more noticeable.  
“You're gross.” Eddie frowned, then more quietly, almost shyly “But you know we both have tomorrow completely open...”  
“Well lets go the fuck to sleep right now then.” Richie said, trying to burn the soft blush over Eddie's cheekbones into into his memory. He power walked towards the bedroom practically ripping his clothes off. Eddie leaned on the door frame watching softly.  
“Rich,” he looked over, almost breathless at the sight “I love you.”  
Oh fuck, he was so fucking gone. This was too much. “Eds” he said trying to keep his voice from breaking “I love-”

Richie woke up.  
It was violent, his whole body jerking. He panicked staring into the blackness, not understanding for a moment why he couldn't see. His arm shot out feeling the half of the bed next to him. It was cold.  
'No.' he thought 'No, that's not fucking _fair._ '  
He practically falls out of bed, dry heaving several times on the floor. A grief so strong it felt like he had been stabbed ripped through him. It took several minutes for his lungs to remember to work again, broken sobs ripping out of his body instead of breaths. He sounded inhuman, like a dying animal. He felt as if all warmth in the world had been snuffed out, he couldn't remember what what warmth had even felt like.  
 _It wasn't. Fucking. Fair._  
For a few agonizing heartbeats he waited to see if the memories would be ripped out of his mind again, when they stayed he grabbed wildly for his phone, stumbling out onto his balcony. The city was awake as always, he could hear a siren in the distance. His hands were shaking so hard he nearly dropped the phone repeatedly trying to scroll through his contacts. His vision was more blurred than usual from the endless tears. He finally spotted a name. Bev. Clumsily he slammed the call button. No one picked up. He called again. And again.  
Finally a groggy “Hello?”  
“Bev.” he croaked, knowing he must sound like a mad man.  
“Hello? Who is-?”  
“Richie.”  
“Oh, well how can I help you Richie?”  
He clenched his jaw so hard he thought his teeth would break. She had the fake voice of someone disgruntled by being woken by a stranger, but who was forcing themselves to stay polite. He felt sick.  
“Did you see it? You said you saw all of us, so did you know??”  
“Excuse me?”  
“Did you know he was going to die in....in that fucking place!! Did you see- why didn't you try to stop it?!” His voice was rising, becoming a yell. Some part of him knew that if she could Bev would have done anything to change their fates. But it was a small part of him, a dying part.  
“I'm sorry-I don't-” Richie could hear a male voice in the background now, low and concerned.  
“Is that Ben?” He demanded, hearing a soft gasp “Tell him- you fucking tell him he should have fucking left me down there! He should have left me with him!!” His voice was still rising, becoming hysterical.  
“Richie-” A little recognition now, a little panic.  
“They fucking pulled me out, for what? To save my life??” He laughed bitterly. The tears wouldn't stop, and he could feel his head begin to pound. “Easy for him-for you, both of you. It's easy to keep going together isn't it? You got your happy ending.” he spat. They didn't deserve that. They were his friends, he loved them. It didn't matter.  
“I loved him-” he choked out “I loved him and you should have let me stay-” he broke off wheezing out sobs. There was a pause , then  
“Eddie....”  
“Y-yeah. Eddie. You fucking remember now?” Ben's voice was louder now, more frantic.  
“Was there and order Bev? Did you know he was next? After Stan?” _Stan._ His heart throbbed again and he felt like doubling over. “Did you know it would be me after that?” He continued very quietly.  
“Richie-” it was Ben and Bev now, she had switched it to speaker phone. “Calm down honey, please-”  
“We figured we killed it and saved ourselves, huh? Only lost two out of seven, that's a pretty good percent. But-” He swallowed heavily, heaving out a shaky breath. “that fucking clown is going to get one more of us before it's all over. Sorry to mess up the statistics.”  
“Richie please stop- just listen, it's going to be okay. I don't know what happened but-I'll call Bill-I think he can-just stay there okay Rich-” Bev's voice rapidly faded as his phone slipped out of his hand and fell to the sidewalk stories below. He watched as it hit the ground and shattered.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like this I swear all I read are fix it fics. I might just be a morbid fuck but I really can't see Richie's storyline ending well, he really is the most tragic character to me. Both the losers that die are his two closest friends like come on man. Give Richie a beeping break 2020 )':


End file.
